The Government Will Finance Your Purpose in Life

by Aaron Clarey
Captain Capitalism

“I’m Majoring in Citations”

Whilst running around Lake Calhoun I was listening to The Great One Himself. In his latest podcast he was regaling the listener with a tale about a solidly average looking woman he met while running day game in Fort Collins. He was settling for average women because all the young, supple college students had left for Christmas break, and all that was left was…well…the left overs. And thus he was relegated to “solid 5’s” (as he put it) that remained on the college campus.

But when it got time to talk about what the girl he met did for a living, she said she was a grad student doing research for her advanced degree. Wincingly, The Great One asked what her major was and she said “linguistics.” Begging for more pain, The Great One then asked what her research was on and she said….


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